Here I am sipping cider by the sea, over 180 miles lay well trodden behind me. My heart feels full and the knots that had so tangled my neglected mind have given way and unravelled. Space once more dominates my state of being and all is well with the world.
The calling that brought me on this journey was never clear nor known in detail but for being born from a desperation to be free. As I allowed a fearful and unsure brain the power to condemn me into a chosen life aposed to a lived one the callings strength grew. Anxiety and depressive cycles had corrupted my existence of late until at last the light broke through.
Setting out the only true destination was the one I had neglected and refused to nurture, the one that is simply me. The daily grind of physical exhaustion, the mind blowing sights, the natural surroundings and people soon set all of that straight.
During long days alone inside one’s own tired mind and depleted body space arises. Within this space many of the dorment torments and issues never truly acknowledged, dealt with and dissolved rear there desperate heads. Decisions Made, life choices, insecurities, my past, my future and the loss of my father..
All came into the open space and were finally met eye to eye. As the days went by and my pace found it’s fluid stride the hikes transformed into deep meditations. Talk over drinks in the evenings gabe birth to the greatest philosophical discussions and answered many of the unresolved questions.
I met Collin whose life experience and down to earth wisdom brought my reality and much needed dose of truth. I faced challenges both physical and mental including a dream in which my dad was alive and well. All of which forced the best out of this weary and unsure soul. The way has brought me to a depth of realisation, cemented within.
A bird should never choose the safety of cage at the sacrifice of the chance to fly.importance and pleasure in learning to loves one’s own insecurities. Normality itself is a falshoood and a shadow from which pain a d suffering derive. The unique sparks within each of us is a cause to celebrate and never condemn within ourselves or others.
The chatter of the mind is but noise and one that ought to be challenged when it is in a state of condemnation or contempt. We are a thousand different people each and every day, moods change, situations dictate to us and hardships arise. Forgiving, accepting and acknowledging those parts we/society see with distaste is understanding the true nature of the mind.
As a whole rabble or tribe our mentality is juvenile, ignorant and cruel, especially when observed through the media and news. Despite this, we all know far more open hearts, interesting people and potential greatness than we know the phantoms fear pervade. It requires an open embrace of the unknown, a walk into the wild of our own hearts and minds to see through the veil and live this reality.
I know little of my future beyond tomorrow. Perhaps I will continue to have panic attacks, depressive moods and worries of madness. It does not matter because I will no longer hide myself in the face of this or in the face of anything.
I wish all in this world a path in which they can discover just how far and well their own feet walk. To face challenges and to leave the comfort zone we all build through years of routine, trauma and influences. Then you will see the universe and find yourself looking back at you.
I have just said goodbye to my new friend Frank, a Dutchman who has conquered all of I’ll health to be hear. I am inspired, alive and content, long may it continue. Whatever the future holds, if I am lost to turmoil let me walk again.
All my love