For years I have been the nice guy, eager to help and let people know how willing I was to be there for them, to have them see me as a modern day guru, loving and kind in the way the Buddha was.
Needless to say, such a story allowed me to live a life where I was lazy, fearful and lacking in confidence, why? because it was easy, it was convenient and gave me a full excuse to keep smoking weed every day and hide from the challenges a man needs to live and grow. In my head I was slumbering, awaiting the moment the spiritual enlightenment would come to me like it did to the ancient figures that seemed so wise.
I was missing the truth that sat right in front of me, life is constant growth and those few times I have known this is when I was challenging myself but still I looked for a way out, a way back to the easy life. From the ‘easy life’ I was little challenged and the king of the small world I controlled but deep within, unfaced demons and a cruel sense of unworthiness ruled my life where I could not control it.
I was born to a lion, the king of my pride and my hero but for many years I have been unable to replicate the strength he carried in his heart and felt like a sheep. I was his youngest, spoilt by timing and the kindness of my family and grown in a false sense of achievement, eager to show the world how wise and strong I was, when all I was, was arrogant. My later life was plagued by insecurities and self-doubt as is the case with so many, comparing myself always to others I felt a failure and spent more time down and depressed than I will ever feel again.
Because I am no sheep, I am a lion, you are a lion, we are all lions acting as sheep and for me, this ends today, I have at last started to ask the right questions of myself and found answers I always felt I could give but never got how. Now, with ambition for life and passion for the here and now it seems so easy and my purpose is clearer than ever underlined by a clear mission, to grow, evolve and achieve, every day, in every way.
Simple and corny but I have known suffering, seen it in others and respect the impact it has had upon our history but that does not determine our future, you knew this when you were born, do you remember it now? My life I want to be an inspiration to those who have walked paths similar to mine and don’t believe in themselves, but to achieve this I do for myself and those I love. Giving from a place of presence, what my father had that he passed on to me, what I have denied for too long, I now embrace and my excitement for life, for what it holds for my future is all opportunities and I am fully engaged.
Why did I write this blog? For me, so how I feel of late (which fluctuates as I get used to this new energy and defeat the old mind patterns), is set down as a commitment, to be courageous, which to me is being afraid and doing it anyway. If this feels like you then good on you and keep kicking as, all my respect and love to the one who finds the antidote to their own frustration.
More than simple positive thinking, this new outlook must be taken as a daily exercise to improve and fail, each baby step is a step to success and being willing to fail is the key to defeating fear.
So in the spirit of fair-game and better energy, if you don’t believe me, think me stupid or want to challange me, write a comment, ask a question, teach me but whatever you do, don’t hold it in a stay silent, what’s the point?